Someone told me last night "Don't regret anything!"
That might sound like a lovely comment. But I know I'm just totally taking the entire conversation the wrong way.
You see, last night I attended the birthday party of my childhood friend. I've known her since we were 9! Before you ask, no it wasn't she that I had this conversation with. My dear friend L was a wonderful host! Beautiful birthday girl, as effervescent as always!
To be honest, I don't think I got this young womans name prior to the exchange. I'm sure she meant everything she said to be a positive, honest comment. But something about it just sounded....well, not.
It began innocently enough with her asking me if I was also engaged. Oh, no, I'm married. I replied politely with a smile. Oh! Really?! She asks how long we've been married, 9 years. How long we've been together, just over 10 years now. How did we meet. I briefly explained that we met in a round about way "in" high school. (You see, he was no longer attending high school, when I was entering, we me just as my freshman year was starting. He shipped out to boot camp just before Halloween.) She told me about her sister who had also gotten married right after high school, and has two children near the ages my children are. And how she is in a way jealous of that, but how at the same time, it's just not what she wants right now. I tell her I have children near the same ages as her niece and nephew. I just couldn't help but feel that she was trying to make me feel better about my life the way she kept saying how much respect she had for me, and how I shouldn't ever regret anything because I didn't miss anything.'
Now I really know I'm just blowing this so far from how it was meant that you're sitting there going "um, wtf, she wasn't being rude". But I really felt so defensive! I was nice though, said thank you, said that I don't regret anything, I love my life...etc.
What I wanted to say....this is kind of like when someone asks "when is the baby due..?" and you're NOT pregnant. Some things are just better left unsaid. I really wanted to say....
I know you mean well, and that you think you're complimenting me, but it sounds like you're talking down to me because of the choices I made. Because I do not have a career, work outside the home or "get out" much to "party", my life is some how a bit more sad than yours? I know I take far too much in my life for granted, and I'm working hard to make progress in the area of thankfulness. However...I wake up every morning in the arms of a man who worships me as though I were a Goddess. When I wake up most mornings, there is a warm, soft little girl with long silky hair crawling in to bed with me. When I come out of my room, there is a sweet little boy...little man...with bed head, and goofy teeth excited to start his day. I am greeted by the distinct sounds of hunger from my cat outside, as she makes it known "I know you're up, and I"m hungry, come feed me!"
While my house may be cluttered and a bit disorganized (part of this years progress to be made), that I take pride in my home. I love my home. I get to look out on my property, and know that I have a piece of land to call my own.
I know that this is far more substantial than a few friends from college, and parties that end in foggy memories because I had too much to drink. I've been to a few, and they were fun, when I was younger. But there is no way I could regret the smiling faces, messy hands, wet kisses and clumsy hugs. I know that I missed nothing by choosing to get married and have children.
*sigh* I don't know. Should I publish this? It's written on less than 6 hrs sleep and 2 cups of coffee...with multiple interruptions and clearly not a ton of thought. Perhaps some one will feel the same way about my words? If that is the case, I apologize, as I know that what was said to me was not meant to be hurtful, and that the words just landed wrong. And it's ok. I'm not upset with her, hell I don't even know her, and will probably never see her again!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
I guess the Muse has left the building
I am always wanting to write, wishing for something to say. But at times like these, I don't really have anything worth writing about. Do you ever feel that way?
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
A Kitchen Giveaway!
Over on Confessions of a Pagan Soccer Mom, Mrs. B is having a kitchen giveaway, I'd love to win it!
I recently moved a few things around in my kitchen, trying to make the counters better organized, and as open as possible. (tough for my tiny kitchen) I did howerver, manage to make enough room for a set of book ends. Which means I finally get to have my Home Management Binder (with a Pagan twist), cook books, my tarot book, and my current read...and well, the bills, but they gotta go somewhere until they get paid, right?
I'd love to add these delights to my counter!!!
I recently moved a few things around in my kitchen, trying to make the counters better organized, and as open as possible. (tough for my tiny kitchen) I did howerver, manage to make enough room for a set of book ends. Which means I finally get to have my Home Management Binder (with a Pagan twist), cook books, my tarot book, and my current read...and well, the bills, but they gotta go somewhere until they get paid, right?
I'd love to add these delights to my counter!!!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
A Hint of Spring
I only took two pictures, with the crappy iPhone camera, but we had a hint of Spring this weekend. It was glorious! I took the kids out to play in the afternoon. They had a great time, and it was difficult to get them to go in despite it being time for dinner!!
I got the chance to really clean off the back deck too. I moved everything around and got all the leaves and most of the cat hair off swept off. As usual, I had to drive a few nails back into place. The old owners of this house had intended on replacing the deck, but only got as far as ripping off all the rails. Intelligent. We have not had the time, or finances, to complete this project ourselves. Thankfully, it hasn't been a huge issue. One day I will have a roof over my deck so I can enjoy it year round. It's just too damn hot sitting directly in the Summer sun!! Most days all I'd need is shade and a portable fan and there we go, plenty of outside time :D
I really need to clean off the front deck, and repaint the railings. It could stand some attention. I would also like to take advantage of a great place for coffee in the Spring and Summer.
Yesterday I took the children around to three grocery stores, I called it a Home Ec lesson. I explained to my son that I'd written out a menu, and planned what to buy based on the weeks deals at these various shops. I also explained to him that I was buying extra of the things that were buy one get one free, so that we'd have them available for next week, or even the week after that (for things like spaghetti and spaghetti sauce) ... which makes it cheaper to go shopping in 2 weeks. Things like milk and bread that run out of course, but really it's less than half of our groceries the second time around.
Today my progress came to a screeching halt when I handed my son his book report and asked him to work on the bit he's working on today. He hates writing. A lot. I just want to be finished with this so we can work on our other lessons. If we didn't have to turn this in to prove that he's working at home, then I'd skip this and save it for when he's ready to take on this level of writing.
Well, yay! He's finally finished. Time to go make lunch! Blessed Be everyone.
I got the chance to really clean off the back deck too. I moved everything around and got all the leaves and most of the cat hair off swept off. As usual, I had to drive a few nails back into place. The old owners of this house had intended on replacing the deck, but only got as far as ripping off all the rails. Intelligent. We have not had the time, or finances, to complete this project ourselves. Thankfully, it hasn't been a huge issue. One day I will have a roof over my deck so I can enjoy it year round. It's just too damn hot sitting directly in the Summer sun!! Most days all I'd need is shade and a portable fan and there we go, plenty of outside time :D
I really need to clean off the front deck, and repaint the railings. It could stand some attention. I would also like to take advantage of a great place for coffee in the Spring and Summer.
Yesterday I took the children around to three grocery stores, I called it a Home Ec lesson. I explained to my son that I'd written out a menu, and planned what to buy based on the weeks deals at these various shops. I also explained to him that I was buying extra of the things that were buy one get one free, so that we'd have them available for next week, or even the week after that (for things like spaghetti and spaghetti sauce) ... which makes it cheaper to go shopping in 2 weeks. Things like milk and bread that run out of course, but really it's less than half of our groceries the second time around.
Today my progress came to a screeching halt when I handed my son his book report and asked him to work on the bit he's working on today. He hates writing. A lot. I just want to be finished with this so we can work on our other lessons. If we didn't have to turn this in to prove that he's working at home, then I'd skip this and save it for when he's ready to take on this level of writing.
Well, yay! He's finally finished. Time to go make lunch! Blessed Be everyone.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
This Weeks Goals!
*Put towels in bathroom cabinets/clean bathrooms
*reorganize bottom kitchen cabinets
*make grocery lists/schedule
*make a quick, cheap grocery run....maybe wait until Friday/payday
*read!!!! I have so much to read, and no chances.
*finish washing the dishes **this is a must do for Wednesday**
*If it's actually 50* tomorrow...I need to clean out the carport.
Very boring, but it's the progress I want to make this week on the house.
As for other areas.
I need to call a new dentist this week for both the kids and myself. It's just a matter of picking up the phone and hiding long enough to make these calls.
My son and I need to finish his final copy so we can get it to the post office on Friday.
My daughter and I need to work on our "Potty Communication" I'm so f'ing tired of pull ups.
*reorganize bottom kitchen cabinets
*make grocery lists/schedule
*make a quick, cheap grocery run....maybe wait until Friday/payday
*read!!!! I have so much to read, and no chances.
*finish washing the dishes **this is a must do for Wednesday**
*If it's actually 50* tomorrow...I need to clean out the carport.
Very boring, but it's the progress I want to make this week on the house.
As for other areas.
I need to call a new dentist this week for both the kids and myself. It's just a matter of picking up the phone and hiding long enough to make these calls.
My son and I need to finish his final copy so we can get it to the post office on Friday.
My daughter and I need to work on our "Potty Communication" I'm so f'ing tired of pull ups.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
We really enjoyed the snow this year. It was just right for packing and playing. I didn't get any pics of the front of the house before my camera battery died, and before we went sledding down the driveway. We ended up with a large laundry basket, and the kids each only went once. But I must have gone 20 times lol
This is Bob. He replaced Stan. At least until Bob fell over, then he 'joined' Stan.
The kids playing in the morning before it got too warm.
And at the end of the day, looking out at all the grass, dirt, and what was left of the snow, I smiled to myself. We all had a great time, and I really appreciate this gift of Winter. I'm also appreciative that I don't have to deal with it often!
Happy Valentine's Day! Happy Chinese New Year! Blessed New Moon, and have a great Sunday!!
Lots of snow pictures
When we woke up in the morning, the snow had stopped, but we were left with a beautiful, white...almost pristine backyard. It was so beautiful.
(this was actually Friday afternoon after some very daring birds hopped up near the window while the kids were watching a movie and I was in the back putting away laundry.
Friday afternoon, checking out the snow stuck to her gloves
Aaaahhh, good morning. Such a lovely view.
We've had Angel Visitors!!
The 'stack'
Can you guess what made this track!? I bet you're thinking it's a deer. Well, you'd be wrong......
It's from a squirrel!!
Meet Stan.
Meet Snowball.
So long Stan.
(The story...the kids were throwing snowballs and all was well until the little one too a snowball to the face. This was understandably upsetting, so we stopped allowing the snowball fight. Then we made the snowman. Then we said, if you still want to throw snow, throw it at Stan. They did. )
Footprints in the Snow
In Daddy's Footsteps.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
SNOW!!
It started snowing around 12 yesterday when I finished changing my tire...more on that later...this is about snow!
Not sure what time this was, but this spot is absolutely breathtaking this morning
My first Baby, this is Cleo. She is an outdoor cat, hates to be inside. I even had the door open here, she was considering coming in. But the kids were awake.
I told you I was bird obsessed..... click on these to make them larger, these birds are so pretty!
And all 5 cardinals, two male and three female, stayed in the yard for a good 2 hours yesterday.
Hope you enjoyed! I'll put more up later!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Imbolc, Birds, Cleaning, Schooling
We've been very busy in our preparations for Spring around here! I have been cleaning, organizing, shuffling and filing papers, shopping, writing, singing, praying, and schooling!
My son and I have been trying to catch up on the school work we're behind on, and it's coming along. We're nearly there. Hopefully we'll finish the "book report" today and can move back to teaching lessons from the Language Arts online lessons. We are still behind there. We've nearly caught up in Math, enough that I'm not worried about it......today. History and Science are another story, we're so far ahead in those that we can afford to take days at a time off. We caught up and continue to do two lessons a day. I've applied similar logic to the Math, and we look at the worksheets, and see what comprehension is there before teaching the lesson. Usually we can jump to the assessment pretty quickly. Language Arts however, takes longer. Duh, right?
Cleaning (like how I'm working backward from my title) is going pretty well. Slowly in some rooms compared to others but we're getting there!! I'm trying to declutter/destash before I start looking for more storage options. The children are getting in on it too! The other day my son had an idea to get my daughter motivated to clean her room. They had a race! I will admit my laziness here, I allow my children to watch tv/movies after 4 PM. This can sometimes last until 6:30 while I'm preparing the kitchen to make dinner, and making dinner. These two things go SO much more smoothly when they are occupied. Usually they can play together for a time, but more often than not I have to stop what I'm doing several times to redirect, settle an argument, or ask them to use their Inside Manners. So I turn on the screen. Whatever, it's ok!
So, we did "ready, set, GO!" and I stand in the hallway while they furiously clean up their floors and put toys away. They're usually finished in about 15 minutes, and then we look at our options for tv or movies. After that I'm "free" to go into the kitchen and spend a good 20 minutes with out interruption. This gives me plenty of time to wash any dishes that I may need for cooking dinner. Once it's started I can wipe down counters, wash more dishes, or work on my meal planning.
Ok, moving on, then I'll see if I have some pictures to share :) The Birds...oh my how we have BIRDS. We have a pretty simple bird feeder, I put between 4 and 6 cups of bird seed in there...and it only lasts THREE DAYS!! I filled it up on Monday, and today it is swinging there empty, and we have no birds to look at this morning :( I'll go fill it up once we break above freezing! We have a family of squirrels that take advantage of the fact that I buy the seed with sunflower seeds in it. Blue-jays, Cardinals, little tiny black headed "woodpeckers", even the big red headed one has been seen on the tree with the feeder. Two pair of doves, and a "third wheel" on occasion. Also tons, and I do mean tons, of these little tiny birds, that you almost can't see. If all three groups are out at the same time, it looks like the ground is moving beneath the tree. It's quite a sight. Some are tiny mostly black/dark gray, others are slightly larger, mostly brown, with red heads, finally there are the 'golden finches' and the one I call the King, because he's fluorescent green. My camera isn't quite good enough to focus on these little birds from a 'safe' distance. Even zoomed in, but I keep trying!!
Finally Imbolc, I managed to finish all my 101 homework before Imbolc. I was procrastinating on the last bit to be honest. I couldn't decide one more herb or one more mineral to focus on. Too many to chose from! But the ritual was beautiful, and I really feel that my prayers are being "answered". If not by the God and Goddess, then by myself. I asked simply for more patience with my children, and it seems that I remember that when having to deal with a situation that would usually have me wanting to rip my hair out. I am speaking more clearly, a bit more firmly, but much more gently than I have been recently. It's really a wonderful feeling, and I can't wait for it to develop even more in to a greater sense of overall patience. My husband tells me all the time "I don't know how you're so patient". So perhaps it's more the internal patience I was asking for.
After our ritual we had a fantastic feast of beef stew, broccoli casserole, pasta salad, oh, so many goodies! I can't wait until my teeth are in better healthy, such yummy foods, and not having to wait for Thanksgiving or Christmas to enjoy them! And I can't leave out my Sisters. What fantastic company!! I stayed way too late, and laughed a great deal. I am looking forward to Ostara very very much!
My son and I have been trying to catch up on the school work we're behind on, and it's coming along. We're nearly there. Hopefully we'll finish the "book report" today and can move back to teaching lessons from the Language Arts online lessons. We are still behind there. We've nearly caught up in Math, enough that I'm not worried about it......today. History and Science are another story, we're so far ahead in those that we can afford to take days at a time off. We caught up and continue to do two lessons a day. I've applied similar logic to the Math, and we look at the worksheets, and see what comprehension is there before teaching the lesson. Usually we can jump to the assessment pretty quickly. Language Arts however, takes longer. Duh, right?
Cleaning (like how I'm working backward from my title) is going pretty well. Slowly in some rooms compared to others but we're getting there!! I'm trying to declutter/destash before I start looking for more storage options. The children are getting in on it too! The other day my son had an idea to get my daughter motivated to clean her room. They had a race! I will admit my laziness here, I allow my children to watch tv/movies after 4 PM. This can sometimes last until 6:30 while I'm preparing the kitchen to make dinner, and making dinner. These two things go SO much more smoothly when they are occupied. Usually they can play together for a time, but more often than not I have to stop what I'm doing several times to redirect, settle an argument, or ask them to use their Inside Manners. So I turn on the screen. Whatever, it's ok!
So, we did "ready, set, GO!" and I stand in the hallway while they furiously clean up their floors and put toys away. They're usually finished in about 15 minutes, and then we look at our options for tv or movies. After that I'm "free" to go into the kitchen and spend a good 20 minutes with out interruption. This gives me plenty of time to wash any dishes that I may need for cooking dinner. Once it's started I can wipe down counters, wash more dishes, or work on my meal planning.
Ok, moving on, then I'll see if I have some pictures to share :) The Birds...oh my how we have BIRDS. We have a pretty simple bird feeder, I put between 4 and 6 cups of bird seed in there...and it only lasts THREE DAYS!! I filled it up on Monday, and today it is swinging there empty, and we have no birds to look at this morning :( I'll go fill it up once we break above freezing! We have a family of squirrels that take advantage of the fact that I buy the seed with sunflower seeds in it. Blue-jays, Cardinals, little tiny black headed "woodpeckers", even the big red headed one has been seen on the tree with the feeder. Two pair of doves, and a "third wheel" on occasion. Also tons, and I do mean tons, of these little tiny birds, that you almost can't see. If all three groups are out at the same time, it looks like the ground is moving beneath the tree. It's quite a sight. Some are tiny mostly black/dark gray, others are slightly larger, mostly brown, with red heads, finally there are the 'golden finches' and the one I call the King, because he's fluorescent green. My camera isn't quite good enough to focus on these little birds from a 'safe' distance. Even zoomed in, but I keep trying!!
Finally Imbolc, I managed to finish all my 101 homework before Imbolc. I was procrastinating on the last bit to be honest. I couldn't decide one more herb or one more mineral to focus on. Too many to chose from! But the ritual was beautiful, and I really feel that my prayers are being "answered". If not by the God and Goddess, then by myself. I asked simply for more patience with my children, and it seems that I remember that when having to deal with a situation that would usually have me wanting to rip my hair out. I am speaking more clearly, a bit more firmly, but much more gently than I have been recently. It's really a wonderful feeling, and I can't wait for it to develop even more in to a greater sense of overall patience. My husband tells me all the time "I don't know how you're so patient". So perhaps it's more the internal patience I was asking for.
After our ritual we had a fantastic feast of beef stew, broccoli casserole, pasta salad, oh, so many goodies! I can't wait until my teeth are in better healthy, such yummy foods, and not having to wait for Thanksgiving or Christmas to enjoy them! And I can't leave out my Sisters. What fantastic company!! I stayed way too late, and laughed a great deal. I am looking forward to Ostara very very much!
My Kitchen Altar on Imbolc
Braided Breadsticks
this was the first round to test the recipe, and figure out the best way to go about the braiding. I made 14 more for the Imbolc feast. :) I guess I forgot to take pictures of the ones I made on Saturday.
And this morning I had some coffee and a tarot lesson. I'd love to get another set of cards, but they're going to have to wait a bit longer!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
A week goes by!
Oh my goodness. NO! I can't do this again. I do not want to fail with this blog too!!
Ok so I have these pictures I can not get off my camera because I can't find my USB cable!
Last week I cleaned up shop. Big time. I went over my kitchen top to bottom, well, side to side. I did only hit the counters. So, last week I STARTED cleaning up shop big time. I also went through the living room, and moved the chairs and small tables around a bit. I'm still not 100% satisfied with that room, but it's better!
This week I slammed into a brick wall, but I am recovering and getting back in the right frame of mind.
When I was satisfied with how much I had accomplished I decided my goal was to get my bedroom decluttered and organized. In order to do this, we will of course have to take all that clutter and move it into the living room so that we can organize it and thin it out. So I took several blue post it notes off of the pad and stuck them to the counter. I wrote things like "computer monitors" and "crawlspace bound". Well, I had one too many, so just being silly I wrote "TRASH!" on the final note and stuck it to the wall above the trash can (I hate that my trash can doesn't fit in a cabinet).
These were up for a few hours before my husband got home. My kids noticed them and asked questions, and I told them, and then said 'now leave them alone!'
My husbands response was classic. After he got home, he was standing in the kitchen eating dinner while I was reading to the kids (we read Harry Potter before bed), and I could hear that he was doing other things too.
After I got the kids down, and all was quiet I headed into the kitchen for a drink, and that's when I noticed.....
I laughed HARD! My husband is awesome!
Well, I'm sorry you had to wait for so long! Hopefully more soon.
Today I cleaned out the entire fridge. I took out each shelf, and cleaned it. I put them back a bit differently, and it looks SO clean!!! Then I went after our linen/art closet. I've decided no more linen. I'm working on getting the towels in the bathrooms. There is one shelf up top for mattress sheets and other smaller items (blankets go in a blanket chest). It's much neater, and I was even able to get the basket of crayons and markers off the kitchen table and put them all in smaller boxes and they have a home in the cabinet now! YIPPIE!!
Ok so I have these pictures I can not get off my camera because I can't find my USB cable!
Last week I cleaned up shop. Big time. I went over my kitchen top to bottom, well, side to side. I did only hit the counters. So, last week I STARTED cleaning up shop big time. I also went through the living room, and moved the chairs and small tables around a bit. I'm still not 100% satisfied with that room, but it's better!
This week I slammed into a brick wall, but I am recovering and getting back in the right frame of mind.
When I was satisfied with how much I had accomplished I decided my goal was to get my bedroom decluttered and organized. In order to do this, we will of course have to take all that clutter and move it into the living room so that we can organize it and thin it out. So I took several blue post it notes off of the pad and stuck them to the counter. I wrote things like "computer monitors" and "crawlspace bound". Well, I had one too many, so just being silly I wrote "TRASH!" on the final note and stuck it to the wall above the trash can (I hate that my trash can doesn't fit in a cabinet).
These were up for a few hours before my husband got home. My kids noticed them and asked questions, and I told them, and then said 'now leave them alone!'
My husbands response was classic. After he got home, he was standing in the kitchen eating dinner while I was reading to the kids (we read Harry Potter before bed), and I could hear that he was doing other things too.
After I got the kids down, and all was quiet I headed into the kitchen for a drink, and that's when I noticed.....
I laughed HARD! My husband is awesome!
Well, I'm sorry you had to wait for so long! Hopefully more soon.
Today I cleaned out the entire fridge. I took out each shelf, and cleaned it. I put them back a bit differently, and it looks SO clean!!! Then I went after our linen/art closet. I've decided no more linen. I'm working on getting the towels in the bathrooms. There is one shelf up top for mattress sheets and other smaller items (blankets go in a blanket chest). It's much neater, and I was even able to get the basket of crayons and markers off the kitchen table and put them all in smaller boxes and they have a home in the cabinet now! YIPPIE!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)