No Regrets

Someone told me last night "Don't regret anything!"

That might sound like a lovely comment. But I know I'm just totally taking the entire conversation the wrong way.

You see, last night I attended the birthday party of my childhood friend. I've known her since we were 9! Before you ask, no it wasn't she that I had this conversation with. My dear friend L was a wonderful host! Beautiful birthday girl, as effervescent as always!

To be honest, I don't think I got this young womans name prior to the exchange. I'm sure she meant everything she said to be a positive, honest comment. But something about it just sounded....well, not.

It began innocently enough with her asking me if I was also engaged. Oh, no, I'm married. I replied politely with a smile. Oh! Really?! She asks how long we've been married, 9 years. How long we've been together, just over 10 years now. How did we meet. I briefly explained that we met in a round about way "in" high school. (You see, he was no longer attending high school, when I was entering, we me just as my freshman year was starting. He shipped out to boot camp just before Halloween.) She told me about her sister who had also gotten married right after high school, and has two children near the ages my children are. And how she is in a way jealous of that, but how at the same time, it's just not what she wants right now. I tell her I have children near the same ages as her niece and nephew. I just couldn't help but feel that she was trying to make me feel better about my life the way she kept saying how much respect she had for me, and how I shouldn't ever regret anything because I didn't miss anything.'

Now I really know I'm just blowing this so far from how it was meant that you're sitting there going "um, wtf, she wasn't being rude". But I really felt so defensive! I was nice though, said thank you, said that I don't regret anything, I love my life...etc.

What I wanted to say....this is kind of like when someone asks "when is the baby due..?" and you're NOT pregnant. Some things are just better left unsaid. I really wanted to say....

I know you mean well, and that you think you're complimenting me, but it sounds like you're talking down to me because of the choices I made. Because I do not have a career, work outside the home or "get out" much to "party", my life is some how a bit more sad than yours? I know I take far too much in my life for granted, and I'm working hard to make progress in the area of thankfulness. However...I wake up every morning in the arms of a man who worships me as though I were a Goddess. When I wake up most mornings, there is a warm, soft little girl with long silky hair crawling in to bed with me. When I come out of my room, there is a sweet little boy...little man...with bed head, and goofy teeth excited to start his day. I am greeted by the distinct sounds of hunger from my cat outside, as she makes it known  "I know you're up, and I"m hungry, come feed me!"

While my house may be cluttered and a bit disorganized (part of this years progress to be made), that I take pride in my home. I love my home. I get to look out on my property, and know that I have a piece of land to call my own.


I know that this is far more substantial than a few friends from college, and parties that end in foggy memories because I had too much to drink. I've been to a few, and they were fun, when I was younger. But there is no way I could regret the smiling faces, messy hands, wet kisses and clumsy hugs. I know that I missed nothing by choosing to get married and have children.



*sigh* I don't know. Should I publish this? It's written on less than 6 hrs sleep and 2 cups of coffee...with multiple interruptions and clearly not a ton of thought. Perhaps some one will feel the same way about my words? If that is the case, I apologize, as I know that what was said to me was not meant to be hurtful, and that the words just landed wrong. And it's ok. I'm not upset with her, hell I don't even know her, and will probably never see her again!